Does sex make women gain weight?

23rd November 2015

Remember Yemisi on your street, that one that was ‘lepa‘ before, but ever since the boys started to visit her ministry, you noticed that increased in the front, back and sometimes in the middle. Or maybe it’s 16 year old rosemary, that ‘good girl’ that lives next door, that used to spot melon seeds in her frontal region, and is now sporting watermelons… As a concerned neighbor, you have been whispering about that its the sperm and lots of sex that done did it. After all, you’ve heard that sperm is proteinous and sex can make one gain weight.

News Flash!

Sex doesn’t make women gain weight or grow into an Amber rose / Kim K/ Cossy O. type of physique. Normally that sexy weight is due to good old fashioned puberty and your genes. So I’m sorry to break the news to you, if you can’t afford plastic surgery and you haven’t got it in your DNA, then nothing for you. All the sex in this world (nay and beyond) cannot help thee.

For the love of ‘science’

Many women started off their sexual journey suffering for the love of ‘science’ i.e. that time during puberty when your knowledgeable teen friends advise you to let boys use their sense of touch to analyze your topography in order to prove the hypothesis that your boobs and butt will indeed grow bigger. Biko, did it work? I’m sure by now you’ve realized that teen gals give bad advice.

Now consider this!

1. Yemisi on your street who suddenly gained weight when she started to have various boyfriends, is likely getting lots of high calorie free lunches and dinners at this and that fast food where she usually orders rice with extra chicken with soft drink or pounded yam and egusi with lots of goat meat and a chilled beer. In addition to her diet increase from these sources, Yemisi is also likely to receive lots of free alcohol from one guy or the other who hopes to improve his persuasive skills to convince her to let him through her gates. Her calorie intake therefore would have gone up several notches and chances are she does not exercise regularly.

2. Have you also considered that there are many virgins, who look hawt-enough-to-make-kimK-jealous, and inversely there are many ladies of the night doing their thing on Allen Avenue road without said attributes?Yet there you are, a Concerned Neighbour, who while you are not a witness to all the calorie bombs sisi Yemisi has been getting steady steady, and you immediately assume it’s the sex or the sperm that ‘done did it’

The real science

Semen is composed of sperm and seminal fluid, sperm usually makes up only 1% of the content, but that 1% can contain 200-500 million spermatozoa. The remaining 99% which is the seminal fluid contains proteins, sugars, enzymes, vitamins like vitamin C and lots of minerals including zinc, all of which play different roles in ensuring that:

A. Sperm cells have energy to swim quickly

B. The acidic environment of the vagina, does not fry them before they get to their destination

C. The DNA in the sperm remains intact

D. There’s enough surrounding juice to help the energetic sperm on their sojourn.

However, my deep dive into the calorie value of semen has revealed that men’s milk contributes a measly 5-25 calories per ejaculate, this means that even though, semen would make a good recipe for food supplements, (useful in the year 3550, when pharma companies decide to stop making multivitamins and fruits stop growing), it will not in-fact make you gain weight if ingested on the regular.

In addition, and this time i’m stating the obvious (or not so obvious), have you considered that digestion of sugar, protein, fats etc, does not occur through the vagina.

This is one of the reasons why Medical Doctors have been unwilling to feed female patients in the ward who have trouble swallowing regular food by saying “Nurse, get those apples, potatoes and eggs in there, yes, down there”.

For women who have a healthy weight, it’s been shown that they consume an average of 2000 calories per day while overweight women consume 3000 or more calories. Therefore I postulate and roughly calculate, that if you want to become overweight or gain some extra weight (hopefully in the right places) by strictly ingesting semen, you will need to consume about 550ml of sperm, which translates to 161 ejaculates per day.

Dear sister-reader, I wish you all the best!!!??.