The emotional predator is real, very real; although a lot of women don’t recognize him for who he is until after he has moved on to another girl. Some women may never even know him for who he truly is because he is the very sweet guy who is too good to hurt a fly much less take advantage of you. He looks every inch your dream guy; perfect height, complexion is spot on, dresses well, takes good care of his body and while he may not have a foreign accent, his diction is superb.
Phase 1: the beginning:
He is the perfect arm candy you are proud to show off to the entire world and he is not afraid to show you off either; at least at first when he is trying to sweep you off your feet and show you what kind of a perfect gentleman he is. Trust me, this guy is not afraid to go every mile to make you smile; he will spend on you like it’s going out of fashion. He is ready to rub your back and make you hot tea when you’re down with menstrual pain and massages you when you’re tired. No matter where you are, he is ready to drive down if you need him; it doesn’t even matter if it is for the silliest reason, he will show up to play the part of a super supporting friend.
The web thickens, he is a good listener, has the perfect solution for all your troubles and shows genuine concern for your well being. He is not the type of guy to rush you into committing your body to him; he wants you to take your time, think it through and be certain it is what you want to do and you’re not doing it because he will like it. Mr. emotional predator is so nice; he’s an absolute angel. In short, he is every girl’s dream come true, especially yours.
Phase 2: Time to pay up
Because he is so nice to you, nicer than any guy you’ve ever met in your life, you won’t notice what he is trying to do; trying to own you and enslave your emotions. Soon after he has you where he wants you, he starts to show his true color. First, it is the reverse psychology stunts, making you feel bad for everything he does. If he raises his voice at you, it is your fault for making him so angry. He blames you for every negative thing he does, blames you when he is caught red handed doing something off or tries to switch things around so he becomes the victim at the end.
You find yourself apologizing more often than ever; even when you know he should be the one on his knees begging for your forgiveness but because he is so perfect, you are quick to make excuses for him; it must be the change taking a toll on him, it must be Lagos traffic, someone has vexed him at work, you forgive him because a good man like him is hard to find. Then the unusual demand for sex begins, so much so that most times, you’re injured during sex because you feel blackmailed into it. Most times, you are not close to being sexually aroused but because he never pressured you before, you let him. Now, you feel you owe him so much for all the nice things he has been doing for you or you are afraid he will walk away from you.
Phase 3: Depression
You are beginning to dislike yourself for succumbing to his every wish, you want to tell him to go hell but you remember your mum is waiting for you to bring “someone” home and that numbs you. “Don’t worry, he will change, he will go back to the guy you met, that adored every breath you took and men are scarce”; so you tell yourself and stick on, waiting for something that will not happen.
Next is the verbal abuse, the numerous name calling that gradually kills your self esteem. He doesn’t have to call you stupid or rain curses on you, his incessant jabs like “why are you so fat?”, “you’re ugly” and so on is enough to damage your morale. Break a mug when you go over to visit him and he will remind you of the fact that you’ve never used anything that fancy in your life. Gradually, he begins to dictate your lifestyle without even saying a word. The gym is your new hangout spot because you’re trying hard not be fat for bae even though you’re a size 8 and were a size 10 when you met bae.
You’ve replaced all your favorite meals for vegetables, you don’t eat salt anymore because it is fattening and even the healthy fats are a no go area for you. Your dress must be what he likes; if he doesn’t say you look nice, you won’t wear it again, even if he is no longer paying attention to what you wear and how you look any longer.
Phase 4: Puppy Love
The need to please him is strong; you have to do everything to keep him. He may not beat you; and if he does, you’re a little bit luckier than some who get beaten all the time Like a puppet, he controls you; he literally determines your happiness, crushing it like a paper cup whenever he feels like. He has so much power on you that you live for him. You blame yourself for making him change so much and work hard to fix what you imagine has broken . Days when you feel so empty and ready to pack your bags and leave him, he comes visiting with the whitest of the roses, the shiniest of the pearls, takes you on a very romantic dinner or does something too good, you don’t want to let go.
Your family adores him; he calls your “mum” every now and then to check on her, sends unsolicited cash gifts to your siblings and your “dad” is his Saturday buddy. Your friends love him and wish they could have him instead of you and they are not afraid to tell you this. He is the charming guy that ties your shoe laces or blots your running makeup with his super white handkerchief in public and makes strangers “awww”. You are the ideal couple on social media.
You pretend to be happy but deep down, you know that this TDH “6 foot plus of perfection” does nothing but run your emotions through a shredding machine and you need more therapy than a drug addict.
Have you been caught in this web before? How did you escape it? leave a comment below.